Dear Man, your hands were not made to carry shopping bags or stroke furry kittens however cute they may be. No, your hands were made so you can sculpt statues of yourself. Or squeeze out a handsome amount of this smooth, man-friendly tube of Old Spice Shaving Cream. Buy it and all else will be forgotten.
Like a holiday on an island with rows of ripe coconut trees - except the coconuts are ridiculously sized limes.